Friday, December 22, 2006

Winter Solstice Festival

Comrades!! The Ministry of Truth feels that it must remind everyone at this time of year of sayings and activities that are BANNED and punishable by lengthy stays in the gulag for all offenders. The phrases include but are not limited to:

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Kwanzaa
Happy New Year
Seasons Greetings
Yuletide Greetings
Good Tidings
Happy Birthday Jesus
Happy Holidays
And any derivations thereof.


The Official Ministry of Truth saying for this time of year is "Happy Winter Solstice". 'Gift' giving will no longer be allowed because it primarily makes people who are unable to give or receive something feel bad about themselves. The state will now hand out to everyone and everything, living or dead, their 'Annual Winter Solstice Entitlement' which is comprised of a 6"x6"x6" block of tofu, colored red, in honor of The People's Cube which has long fought for the ideals of the Party.

You may still erect a Winter Solstice Tree in your government assigned domicile so long as there are no religious decorations on it and provided that it is artificial as you do not want to murder trees. We recommend pictures of Lenin, Stalin, and Clinton, with a little Karl Marx as the tree topper. Also you may hang little hammer and sickles in place of glass orbs. Recommended lighting for your tree is red lights. No prayers may be said over your Annual Winter Solstice Entitlement for it may offend others. Carols are right out, the only thing that may be sung is The International and The Anthem of the Soviet Union.
If you believe your neighbors are in violation of these suggestions, please report them to our Thoughtcrime Police immediately.
That is all.

1 comment:

FreeThinker said...

I don't know what to say, comrade!