Friday, December 22, 2006

Winter Solstice Festival

Comrades!! The Ministry of Truth feels that it must remind everyone at this time of year of sayings and activities that are BANNED and punishable by lengthy stays in the gulag for all offenders. The phrases include but are not limited to:

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Kwanzaa
Happy New Year
Seasons Greetings
Yuletide Greetings
Good Tidings
Happy Birthday Jesus
Happy Holidays
And any derivations thereof.

The Official Ministry of Truth saying for this time of year is "Happy Winter Solstice". 'Gift' giving will no longer be allowed because it primarily makes people who are unable to give or receive something feel bad about themselves. The state will now hand out to everyone and everything, living or dead, their 'Annual Winter Solstice Entitlement' which is comprised of a 6"x6"x6" block of tofu, colored red, in honor of The People's Cube which has long fought for the ideals of the Party.

You may still erect a Winter Solstice Tree in your government assigned domicile so long as there are no religious decorations on it and provided that it is artificial as you do not want to murder trees. We recommend pictures of Lenin, Stalin, and Clinton, with a little Karl Marx as the tree topper. Also you may hang little hammer and sickles in place of glass orbs. Recommended lighting for your tree is red lights. No prayers may be said over your Annual Winter Solstice Entitlement for it may offend others. Carols are right out, the only thing that may be sung is The International and The Anthem of the Soviet Union.
If you believe your neighbors are in violation of these suggestions, please report them to our Thoughtcrime Police immediately.
That is all.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Enemy of the People Propaganda

A good Friend of the People has turned in a thoughtcriminal!! This news is being disseminated to warn everyone about the lies that are being perpetrated by this online criminal about socialized medicine!! As Glorious Uber Comrade HRC has informed everyone, we will be going to nationalized health care as soon as it can be rammed through congress. Free health care for all is a right for all people in good standing with the Party!!! How dare the evil hated capitalist pig dogs try and force people to pay for services!!! Waiting for 8 months to have a brain tumor removed is a small price to pay for equality for all peoples!! Upon dying before treatment, you will be comforted that you are dying for the benefit of the people!! The lies perpetrated by these hooligans shows how selfish and uncaring evil capitalists are!!! The person portrayed in their film thought only of himself and his well being and not the well being of the collective!! Once we are officially in power this Enemy of the People will be rounded up with the help of the Canadian Police of the People and sent to the Education Center of Health and Wellness of the People in Siberia (which is under construction as we speak). Glorious Uber Comrade HRC will not be stopped on her mission to control Amerika's health care for the benefit of the People!!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Mass Purges to Begin

Since the Party has finally gained power in the Amerikan Congress, the time has come to start the Mass Purgings. These glorious days will go down in history as those where we have swept the land clean of the hated capitalist bourgeois pig dog scum. Once they are out of the picture we can finally embrace the glorious progressive collectivism that would make Lenin proud. According to the glorious five year plan set forth by the Party, after the purges we will implement the redistribution of land and wealth so that no one has more than anyone else.
In order for the masses to make these transitions as painlessly as possible, it is recommended that you self-re-educate by reading Das Kapital by Comrade Karl Marx and all works by Comrades Lenin, Stalin, and Hillary Clinton.
Helpful tip: To gain points with the Party, start your own list of thoughtcriminals in your neighborhood so that you can turn them in when the time comes. Thoughtcrime, in case you need a reminder, is any thoughts, ideas, or actions which are contrary to the ideals of progressivism or collectivism or which cause someone, directly or indirectly, to be contrary to Party ideals through thought or deed.
If you yourself are guilty of thoughtcrime you can still serve the Party and the rest of society by self-purging yourself and relieving the judicial system of yet another trial, Darwin knows it will be overworked.

Friday, December 8, 2006

Enemy of the People Purged!!

Hated Enemy of The People, Jeane Kirkpatrick, has been purged at last. This non-person was best known for lies spouted to the world during her tenure as propaganda specialist to the United Nations from 1981-85, during the Prime Enemy of the People (Ronald Reagan)'s tenure as Amerikan President. She supported the imperialist bourgeois governments around the world who oppressed the workers who yern to be free of the imperialist capitalist system. What brought her to the attention of Prime Enemy of the People, was a hate filled propaganda article that she published in Commentary Magazine, entitled "Dictatorships and Double Standards". She was also an avid supporter of oppressing our comrades in the middle east who are finally retaliating against imperialist Amerika for thousands of years of crimes against them. After the glorious blow for freedom that was struck on September 11, 2001, she urged Congress to declare war against the "entire fundamentalist Islamic terrorist network."

Such raw blatent hate cannot be tolerated in an enlightened society that Amerika will soon become under Glorious Uber Comrade HRC! It is good that she has been purged by fate, since that will free up an extra space on the floor for someone else who deserves to be re-educated in the soon to be formed Amerikan Health and Wellness Lifestyle Education Centers to be constructed in remote areas of Siberia.

The Party Knows Whats Best For You!!!

A reminder for everyone: DO NOT QUESTION THE PARTY!!!

We of the Party have decided what is best for your kids to learn and be exposed to in our public indoctrination centers. You do not know what is best, we do. Here is an example of actions not tolerated by the Party. Do not fear!! These Thoughtcriminals will be rounded up and sent off to dig up the war criminals at Arlington so they may tried for crimes against the universe.

WE are the ones who will teach your young ones the truth about Amerika!

WE are the ones who will educate them in the glories of progressivism!!

WE are the ones who will mold them into proper citizens of the commune!!


Thursday, December 7, 2006

7 December A Remembrance of Hate

Yes today is 7 Dec, a day of remembrance of the hate and atrocities committed by Amerika to drive the peaceful Japanese to bomb Pearl Harbor. The Japanese did not just out of nowhere decide to attack Amerika!! No! Those were lies perpetrated by the evil Republikkkans!! It was because of thousands of years of oppression of the peaceful Japanese by Amerika!! Amerika raped their cows, stole their sheep, and laughed at their buildings!! Enough was enough. On 7 Dec, 1941 the Japanese decided to retaliate against the evil bourgeois capitalists and preemptively destroyed their imperialist navy, thus striking a blow for the common worker against evil capitalist bourgeois swine! And then to top it all off, the hated imperialists disproportionately responded by dropping nuclear bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki!! Over a few sunken ships that Amerika deserved in the first place!! We must never forget the atrocities committed by Amerika on the innocent Japanese and we must also pay them reparations for what was done!
[satire off]
On a serious note, on this day at 0800 in 1941, 2400 American servicemen lost their lives in an unprovoked attack on American soil forever changing our country. I know I will never forget them and what happened. Thankfully during that era, America was a different place and we mobilized and took care of the situation. Unfortunately America is different now, and it seems the leadership would rather appease and play footsie with the enemy instead of putting them in the ground where they belong. The politicians can hem and haw all they want, I'm sure back in 1941 there were people who didn't want to go to war, but we did and those people stood out of the way and let the military do it's job. Now unfortunately these political games that are being played are costing American Soldiers, Marines, Sailors, and Airmen their lives, and that I can never abide or forgive. Just like in Vietnam those soldiers' blood is not on the head of President Bush, but on the demokrats who would rather further their own career over furthering America. Damn you all.
[satire on]

People's Republik of Illinois a Model for Amerika!

The path to Progressive bliss is oft rough and frought with pitfalls because of the evil Reppublikkkans. Not in the glorious people's Republik of Illinois!! They are continually adopting the ways of The Common Good. The glorious Comrade Rod, has decreed, so far, that the proles in Illinois get free health care for kids, free birth control for womyn, and free day care. Where is this money coming from to pay for this, you may ask. Why wealth redistribution of course! It's not fair that people work hard and make something of themselves and make lots of money while others sit around and do nothing and have none. In the words of The People's Cube: "Your loss is someone else's gain, and your gain is someone else's loss. Thus, losers contribute to society while winners take away from it." So we shall take the money from these evil rich 'winners' and give it to those non rich 'losers'! Ah...Marx, Lenin, and Stalin would be proud. Beware you bourgeois capitalist pig dog swine! Your time of oppression is at an end!

Glorious Day for the Ministry Comrades!!!

After many long weeks spent by model North Korean workers, the Ministry of Truth is finally online. All directives and postings put forth here shall supercede any and all previous truths. Any deviance from these directives shall be considered THOUGHTCRIME and shall be punished severely since you would be a non-collectivist capitalist pig dog swine not worthy to lick Glorious Uber Comrade HRC's boot!!