Thursday, May 3, 2007

Chicago Embraces Global Warming

Chicago is towing the progressive line when it comes to global warming, comrades. Being the largest city in the glorious Peoples State of Illinois, it damn well better. They are opening an exhibit on how global warming is caused by evil kapitalist white chiristian male pig dog scum and how it is everyones duty to wipe out this menace, after all we are doing it "For the Children"TM and if you don't do your part you hate children.

Along with globes to help visualize and educate the proles on how the evil kapitalist white christian male pig dog scum is destroying the planet, I expect there to be numerous organizations and placards about how such things as toilet paper is killing the blue spotted three toed pygmy tree frog which is indigenous to a two square mile area in central Borneo, and how your Cheetoes are destroying the atmosphere.

Also I would like to draw your attention to
The Church of Reformed Latter-Day Climatologists.This wonderful Progressive Religion is the new and official religion of all true progressives. I sincerely hope that they will attended this glorious educational event to spread the holy word of the Prophet Al Gore (PBUH) and convert all the unwashed heathens into progressive caring Goremons.

Attendance is mandatory.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007



Glorious news from our brothers in Zimbabwe. After Comrade Mugabe took the main means of agriculture and production away from the hated evil White Christian Male and redistributed them to the poor suffering hard working native population of Zimbabwe, glorious things have been happening! It is proof positive how the evil hated white kapitalist pig dog christian male scum have oppressed peoples for far too long, and how once liberated from this oppression, they can achieve more and be better workers and citizens than the evil hated white kapitalist pig dog chirstian scum.

Read on and become weepy with the heady gloriousness that is wealth redistribution and communism!

Monday, April 23, 2007

To Action!!!

The dreaded Obama has not gone away as was originally planned. We shall find the person responsible for purging this menace and have them purged, fear not comrades. However now the Obama menace has reached a level that it is now the duty of every good progressive citizen to denounce this Obama and clear the path for the right true Queen of the new People's State of Amerika, Glorious Uber Comrade HRC. If you do not believe me, look here and see the vile damage that this false prophet has done!
Do not listen to him comrades! For if you do...all I will say is remember the Trotsky purges....

We simply do it for the children comrades! It's all for the children! We love them so!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Glorious News!

Glorious news in the class struggle of the Proletariat, Comrades! Our Comrade Indoctrinators in Seattle are teaching the truths of the Revolution to the very young minds that have not yet been warped by the evils of capitalism! The comrades at the Hilltop Children's Center in Seattle took away the young proles' Legos because they were incorporating "their assumptions about ownership and the social power it conveys." Furthermore these assumptions "mirrored those of a class-based, capitalist society -- a society that we teachers believe to be unjust and oppressive." Sweet music to all progressives ears!! But since we progressives don't want to stifle young creative minds the Legos were eventually given back to the little Lenin Pioneers but only after ensuring that they understood the evils of capitalism:

At the end of that time, Legos returned to the classroom after the children agreed to several guiding principles framed by the teachers, including that "All structures are public structures" and "All structures will be standard sizes."

And to show that these glorious efforts have paid off, some quotes from the little Pioneers:

"A house is good because it is a community house."

"We should have equal houses. They should be standard sizes."

"It's important to have the same amount of power as other people over your building."

The Indoctrination Program is in full swing comrades!! We now see the fruits of the glorious Proletarian Struggle Against the Hated Evil Capitalist Pig Dog Scum (PSAHECPDS for short).

in the world of the Father of The Revolution, Vladimir Lenin, "Give us the child for 8 years and it will be a Bolshevik forever."

I feel like singing!!

Not to be overshadowed by our Comrades in Seattle (not that this is a competition as all competition is barbaric and wrong, see here for a full explanation of the People's view on competition) our comrades in Illinois are on the front lines of the struggle yet again! In their latest push for equality for all, the State House passed a bill letting the poor oppressed illegal immigrants of Illinois obtain a "driving certificate" that allows them to drive legally in Illinois. They of course would have to provide proof of residency, proof of insurance, and a photo ID AFTER they obtain the certificate. Thats fair comrades! Illegal aliens have just as much right to driving, being in this country, and your stuff as you do! Stop oppressing them! Up next, giving Illegals the right to vote! Minnesota is on the forefront of this measure, but who will actually be the first to stand up to the evil hated capitalist oppressors and let everyone and anyone who is on the planet vote in US elections! After all, whoever is in power in Amerikkka affects the whole world does it not?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Minnesota on the Forefront of Progress!

Minnesota is leading the march toward the progressive utopia that Amerikkka is destined to become!

MOT tip to MN progressives: Be sure to include in your official releases the Party approved slogan of "It's all for the children"

Monday, March 12, 2007

Enemy of the People!

Ted Koppell has been deemed an Enemy of the People for his recent slanderous remarks which are contrary to Official Party Approved doctrine. All faithful Party members will publicly denounce this unperson and never ever watch, listen, or read anything by the unperson. Failure to comply will result in re-education.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Hero of the People!

The Governor of Illinois, Comrade Rod Blagojevich, has earned the Party's Hero of the People award!! He has done the People's Work by tirelessly inciting class warfare and doing what he can to cripple businesses in the People's State of Illinois.

In his most recent 5 Year Plan he has increased spending by the People's State by promising socialized health care to all the people, embryonic stem cell research to cure pimples, and pouring more money into the State indoctrination centers. Paying for all these great Programs of the People will of course fall to the evil hated kapitalist bourgeois evil companies in the People's State who dare to make money by providing goods and services. Crush those hated kapitalist oppressors Comrade Rod! Squeeze those evil businesses to make them pay, and if they scurry out of the People's State of Illinois, good riddance I say! The People's State doesn't need those money grubbing hated kapitalist oppressing companies! The State will take care of us all!

On a side note, Comrade Rod, you have been warned once to include the People's Slogan, "It's all for the children" in your propaganda to push Party Programs. While you did say that this newest advancement toward the Workers Paradise was a 'moral imperative', you need to include a line about the children and other Official Party Propaganda Phrases. This is your last warning, failure to comply will result in re-education.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

The Truth!!!

For those of your who think the hated Obama is the one who will deliever us unto the Workers Paradise, a few quick points on why Obama is the People's Enemy!

1.He was a slave owner!!

2.He's not as black as Glorious Uber Comrade HRC

3.He's a nasty filthy lower than ants dreg of society smoker!!!!!!!

4.He's an evil zealot church goer!!!

So as you can plainly see, only Glorious Uber Comrade HRC can transform Amerikkka into the Worker's Paradise of the People's States of Amerika through mandated pay scales, socialized health care, equal distribution of goods and services, and in glorious Comrade Marx's words, "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need!"

Monday, March 5, 2007

People's Enemy Obama!

Do not be wooed by the forked tongue of Obama!! Latest polls show that the weak are being drawn over to the side that will lead you down the path of destruction! Be strong Comrades! Though it may seem dark and grim, remember to trust Glorious Uber Comrade HRC, she knows what she is doing. All true enlightened progressive thinkers know that Glorious Uber Comrade HRC is the only one that can lead us to true communist paradise and she will prevail. The Obama character is nothing but a mere speck compared to Glorious Uber Comrade HRC. So just sit back, relax and just let us do the thinking for you and you will receive your Party approved voting instructions shortly before the presidential election.

That is all.

Man is Destroying Mars!

With the recent proof that has been spread around about man's destroying the Earth with carbon spewing implements of death such as the automobile, and how it is THE one and only unquestionable direct cause for global warming, new evidence has arisen that shows that man is destroying Mars as well!
To sum up the article and the science behind it for those who do not wish to be inundated with 'facts':

1. Earth's temperature is rising

2. Increased population and industrialization on Earth coincides with Earths rising temperatures

3. Therefore man is the cause of Earths rising temperature

4. Mars' temperature is rising also

5. Mars' temperature increase coincides with Earth's increase in population and industrialization

6. Therefore man is the cause of Mars' rising temperature

This is proof positive that man is destroying the universe with his evil kapitalistic tendencies! Only the Party can solve this universal plague!! Al Gore has the answers!! This scourge must be stopped before they destroy The People's Paradise!

Friday, February 16, 2007

Happy Birthday Dear Leader!!

The Ministry of Truth sends it's most earnest birhtday greetings to one of the People's Heroes, Dear Leader Kim Jong Il. Kim Jong Il has led the workers paradise of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK) to become the most prosperous country in the world! He is a champion against the hated Amerikkkan kapitalist pig dog scum who believe in such nonsensical ideas as personal responsibility, individualism, and property ownership. When will the evil Amerikkkans wake up and realize that all persons must serve all other persons and that The Party is the only true way to prosperity for all! That is our struggle comrades, and with Dear Leader Kim Jong Il fighting the good fight against kapitalism and individuality eventually we will prevail!
He has shown his cunning with this latest 'deal' with the Amerikkkans about stopping the People's right to arm themselves with nuclear weapons against the kapitalists. This shows how foolish the kapitalists are! They do not even realize that Glorious Uber Comrade HRC's husband did this very thing in the nineties, and Dear Leader showed them! He took their appeasement offerings and went on developing the Nuclear Weapons of the People! Ha ha! Foolish Kapitalists! Keep sending your tithe to the DPRK, and Dear Leader will use your kapitalist exploitation units against you for the betterment of The Party!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

People's State of Kalifornia Raises the Bar!

Comrades! Glorious news from the People's State of Kalifornia! It seems that they are trying to make up for the dissidents that have infiltrated Kalifornia to take away support from Glorious Uber Comrade HRC, but I digress. I cannot formulate into words the sheer brilliance of this maneuver by the People's School Board, you must simply read it for yourself in it's entirety, and watch the video.
In the words of the Father of the Revolution Vladimir Ilyich Lenin:

“Give us the child for 8 years and it will be a Bolshevik forever”

Long live the Glorious Revolution!!

Monday, February 12, 2007

New Cause of Global Warming Discovered

Glorious Comrade Margaret has discovered the biggest producer of global warming to date! She stumbled upon while doing intense Party approved research.
We must all join the cause and stop this menace before the polar bears have no snow to frolic in while the do their polar beary dances of delight! Think of their children! And your children! And your neighbors children! And children of things that haven't any children yet, but would if they knew that their children could do child like things while they are children living in their children world!! Children children children! Have you no heart?!
If you do not take up this fight you hate the children and all things child like and you will be purged by the children because you hate them so!

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Accolades to Georgia Tech

Comrades! All glories and accolades to the free thinkers of the student newspaper The Georgia Tech Technique which is of course from Georgia Tech. These brave editors are standing up to the evil hated kapitalist pig dog scum by refusing to print their lies. How dare the hated kapitalists attack the innocent peace and freedom loving jihadis! It just shows another reason why the imperialists need to be stopped and why The Party is the only organization that can be trusted. Do not give in to the lies peaceful freedom loving persons of Georgia Tech, The Party stands with you!

PS. If you could throw into your reasoning for resisting that you are doing it for the children, there may be an extra potato ration for you.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Glorious Uber Comrade HRC Speaks Truth o' The People

At The Party's Winter Meeting, Glorious Uber Comrade HRC stood up and shouted the Party's goals for the world to hear! The most beautiful segment, which brought the Party faithful to tears and the evil kapitalist pig dug scum to their knees was this:

"Again, we're working to try to push this agenda forward. The other day the oil companies reported the highest profits in the history of the world. I want to take those profits and I want to put them into a strategic energy fund..." (Full transcript of her Gloriousness's speech here. It is Party Mandated Required Reading.)

It is a glorious day comrades when the Party can openly denounce the kapitalist pig dog scum to the cheers of the masses! It is truly a sign of the massive progress The Party has made! Rejoice! Extra beet rations for all this month!

Glorious Uber Comrade HRC has stayed true to the Party's ideals throughout the years, unlike some un-persons who have since been purged from the records. You can see that she has spoke of the coming Worker's Paradise of the People's Soviets of Amerika since 2001!

Example 1 Example 2 Example 3 Example 4

Of course they are all of the same instance, the reason being that it is proof that she did in fact say those very things and others cannot claim that she is not one of the Party Faithful! I speak of course of those purveyors of hate and evil kapitalist pig dog scum ideology, Hot Air.

Do not be swayed or lose faith Comrades! The eve of the Workers Paradise is nigh! And remember, Glorious Uber Comrade HRC does it all for the children!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Fraud of the People!

Enemy of The People

Bono is a fraud, comrades! While has runs about preaching the virtues extolled by The Party, in all actuality he is a capitalist running pig dog scum! From this moment forward all of U2's music is deemed contrary to the Teaching of The Party and therefore banned!! If you currently own anything by and/or of U2 you must destroy it immediately, for the sake of the children! You don't want them contaminated by the capitalist lies! If you know of anyone who has not destroyed their U2 propaganda, report them to the thought police at once!

Banned Reading

Added to the list of unauthorized reading is this article which sole purpose is to spread lies about Glorious Comrade HRC. It is merely hate filled drivel put forth but the evil capitalists whose aim is to destroy all the hard work The Party has accomplished to move this nation towards the Workers Paradise. Glorious Uber Comrade HRC's driving force behind all her policies has not been power, wealth, and an over active urge to crush the independent souls of the citizenry. It has been 'all for the children.' After all it is she who said, 'It takes a village to raise a child.' Well in order to raise all the children in our village it requires huge government, strong monitoring of the sheeple, and strict laws and guidelines so that the children are raised in accordance to The Party's (and therefore the people's) principles. Plus in order to pay all those layers of government and monitors, we need to tax the beejeebus out of everyone. Everyone would be happy to pay 90% income taxes because 'It's all for the children'. You don't want to be labeled a child hater do you? I didn't think so. So fork over your cash and property because there are some high school drop out crackheads that need it more than you.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Battle Stations!!!

COMRADES!!! Many topics must be covered in this briefing so be sure to take notes on the various topics as much action needs to be taken. If you don't take notes you will be shot.

First, the People's State of Kalifornia is in the midst of an unauthorized uprising. While the Party is normally all for uprisings, this is one that is directed against us, and therefore cannot be condoned or tolerated. These rogue agents must be crushed to show the sheeple what is done to those who oppose Official Party Doctrine. In summation a few of our Hollywood mouthpieces have decided to go against the Party and have begun recruiting for Obahamamama instead of Glorious Uber Comrade HRC. As we all know this is in direct violation of Section 375, SubSection 8928, Paragraph 49 of Official Party Doctrine which states: "No person/appliance/animal/vegetable/mineral/thing/alien/fictional character/reptile/fish shall ever ever ever ever ever run against, appear to run against, think about running against, support anyone running against, or look at anyone running against Glorious Uber Comrade Hillary Rodham Clinton in any election for any office for anything. Failure to comply will result in immediate denouncing of the offender as a thoughtcriminal, their existence purged from any and all records and deportation to the gulag for eternal re-education." We must mobilize our agents in The People's State of Kalifornia to round up these dissidents, confiscate their property (it all belongs to the people anyway) and purge their existence from memory. We cannot allow these rogue factions to spread their lies to the sheeple...I mean people!

Second, Bushitler addressed the nation with his usual lies disguised as The State of the Union Address. If you see past the lies of his speech you can see that Bushitler is admitting responsibility for AIDS, Plague, hurricanes, earthquakes, shark attacks, global warming, rain on Aunt Bunny's wedding day, adult onset diabetes, and that annoying rash you got after that drunken night with Anna The Mistress of Pain. Tim Kaine gave a feeble response to Bushitler's speech, for which he is spending some quiet time on a "personal holiday" reflecting on his failure to the Party. Glorious Chairman Meow S. Punchenko gave the Official Party Response to Bushitler's speech. It is required reading by all. Failure to comply will result in re-education.

And lastly I need to take this time to remind everyone that Glorious Uber Comrade HRC DEMANDS your allegiance and hard labor during this time (and all times really) in order to ensure swift progress towards the Workers Paradise that Amerikkka will become, using the successful models of the worker's paradises of The Democratic People's Republic of Korea, The People's Republic of Cuba, and The People's Republic of China. Do not be swayed by the rogue Obahamamama or his agents, destruction lay down that road. If you experience moments of doubt or questions, just repeat to yourself 'It's all for the children!' and then call the toughtpolice and turn in your neighbor.

That is all.

Friday, January 19, 2007

More Victories of the People!!

Comrades! So much good news I don't know where to begin!

Let us start with the Glorious Workers Paradise of China. The kind and benevolent leaders of the Revolution in China has developed new defense capabilities in order to prevent the hated evil Amerikkkan imperialists from attacking the peace and freedom loving peoples of China from space borne vehicles such as communications satellites and the Hubble Telescope. Take that evil imperial capitalist pig dogs! Since it is an accepted truth that civilizations from other planets are rabid capitalist pig dogs, it will come in most handy when these other civilizations try and invade the peaceful people of China! Take that Space Capitalists!!

Next we have more Enemies of the People brought to justice! Evil Amerikkkan imperialist border patrol agents shoot a defenseless Mexican national just because he was trying to operate his family owned import/export business. All he was trying to do, comrades, is make some money so he can feed his children!! Remember, 'It's all for the children!'. How dare those evil capitalist pig dog Amerikkkan imperialist border patrol agents prevent him from earning money to feed his children! They try to spread lies like he was smuggling drugs, crossing the border illegally, blah blah blah. Even if this was true it is all irrelevant because he was doing it 'for the children' and that makes anything and everything alright. I'm sure the actual events happened this way:

Innocent Mexican taking a nice stroll along the border enjoying the wonderful day. Evil drunk imperialist capitalist redneck Amerikkkan border patrol agents see innocent peace loving Mexican national. One turns to the other in his thick barely literate imperialist Amerikkkan accent and says 'Hey Zeke, lets have us sum gud fun wit dis here Mexicano'. The other giggles uncontrollably. They run after the innocent peace loving Mexican. The innocent peaceful Mexican tries to escape but the hated imperialists can run fast because they chase down peace loving individuals all day long. The agents throw him to the ground and shoot him, laughing and guffawing all the while. Since the agents are distracted laughing and patting each other on the back for what they did, the poor innocent helpless Mexican national crawls back home and sobbingly tells his children that he did not make any money today because of the hated evil Amerikkkan capitalist pig dogs so they will not be able to eat tonight.

But the glorious Justice of the People has been meted out to these horrible horrible people. We have officially entered the Enlightened Age comrades! Rejoice!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

People's State of Kalifornia Shining Example!

The People's State of Kalifornia is a shining example of The Party's goal of the Nanny State. Comrade Schwartzenegger has decreed that all residents of Kalifornia will have health insurance, regardless of citizenship status! A glorious day comrades! And how will the People's State of Kalifornia pay for this, you may ask? Not to worry comrades! Comrade Schwartzenegger is taxing businesses, as well he should. Those bourgeois capitalist pig dogs don't need that money!! The People who don't work, have no skills, have no desire to do anything productive, and are leeches on society need that money!! It's not fair that a doctor who took on the economical burden of 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, and 5 years of residency should be making $100,000+ per year and high school dropouts who smoke crack all day get nothing!! Wealth redistribution is our top priority! Fear not slackers of Amerika, for we will get you the money you need to have BMWs, Playstations, and big houses!! You are entitled to those things and we will get them for you!

Extra points to the People's State of Kalifornia for incorporating The Party's new 2007 Slogan.

Remember, "Its all for the children."

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Official Party Approved Slogan for 2007


Another glorious Year of the People is upon us! We have made great advances for The Party in 2006, now we 'Must Work Harder' in 2007 to ensure that our gains do not become losses!! We must continue our tank-like unstoppable roll towards the workers utopia on into the indefinite future. To goad the sheeple into willingly handing over their rights and money, The Party has come up with this slogan:

"It's all for the children!"

What troglodite wouldn't gladly turn themselves into drooling slaves of the state for the children? People who hate children, thats who!!! Do you want to be known as a child hater?! Of course not. No one does.

So, effectively immediately, whenever The Party tries to railroad our socialist workers utopia legislation through congress, it shall be accompanied by "It's for the children!". Whenever the thought police are spotted rounding up dissidents at 3 AM, they shall respond to the witness with, "It's for the children!" and then thump the witness on the head with their Sticks of the People.

For you progressive followers of The Party, whenever you encounter a capitalist bourgeois pig dog that starts blathering about "individuality" "wealth" "personal responsibility" "pay based on achievement" or "I love America", simply scream at them "It's for the children!" and then demonize them as child haters and right wing religious zealots. Then immediately contact the Thought Police and turn them in.

It's For The Children!!!